I meant to have these done before now
Useful Duck is a courteous and prompt bus driver.
Useless Duck hits or hits on old lady passengers.
Useful Duck can turn a few balloons into a 19th century carousel.
Useless Duck was banned from all kids' parties after what became known as 'The Unfortunate Poodle Incident'.
Useful Duck is making sexual advances towards his underage Congressional Page, Useless Duck, over the Internet. If Useless Duck doesn't keep his mouth shut and play along, then the terrorists have won.
Intentions are useless.
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