Useful Duck protests (outside Free Speech Zones) against stolen US elections.
Useless Duck votes by text message for the next American Idol.
Useful Duck abso-tively posi-lutely has no problem being a corporate shill.
Dear Clearly Canadian--
I am CLEARLY thirsty right now. Please send water. Lots of water. I'll drink it, I promise. The flatter it is the better; I'm not so fond of carbonation--most birds have issues with the burping, you know.
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